I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
(I didn't find these funny when I was younger; I just
remember looking for that blonde - never found her.
Now that I am older, I find it easier to concentrate
on the potential humor.)

she called me to get my phone number.
she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
she tried to drown a fish.
she thought a quarterback was a refund.
she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
she tripped over a cordless phone.
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
she studied for a blood test.
she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
she got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.
she told someone to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, so she moved.
she missed the 44 bus, so she took the 22 bus twice instead.
she drove to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" so she turned around and went home.


BMW
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says,
"What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks,
"How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he
could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get
your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today
you expect me to show it to you!"

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was
knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and
siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and
yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
said, "we were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the
moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled
the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are
in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of
yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares
at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration,
takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the
answer sheet:
Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done,
whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out.
During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin,
muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new dogs, and
asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HellOOOooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs .

Homer, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down
next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on.
The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building
preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Homer and said, "Do you think he'll
jump?" Homer says,"You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet
he won't." Homer placed $20 on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde
placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building,
falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 to Homer,
saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Homer replied, "I can't take your
money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump." The
blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again." Homer took the
money

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to
fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the
tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he
walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?" The young woman looks
him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a drink."

A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and
orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a
loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?" The bar immediately
falls deathly quiet. In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before
you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that
you should know five things... One: The bartender is a blonde woman. Two: The
bouncer is a blonde woman. Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is
a professional boxer. Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a Professional
wrestler, and Five: I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black
belt in karate, and a very bad attitude! "Now, think about it seriously, mister.
Do you still want to tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for just a second,
shakes his head and says: "Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever
she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me," She takes her finger
and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes
her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor says,
"You're not really a redhead, are you?" "No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

THE BLONDE FINALLY WINS
Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He
immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've heard
that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger. So let's talk." The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it
slowly and asks the guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know,"
says the guy. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," says the blonde. "That could be
an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a
deer all eat the same stuff-----grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the
cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do
you suppose that is?" The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the
slightest idea." "So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel
qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table.
A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars
($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't
mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.
" With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,
"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed...
"YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her
clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered,
I don't know - I thought you were watching!
MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.