A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."

A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered. "What did he say?" asked the nurse. "OOPS!"

I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam. His new nurse, Elaine, took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes. After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. While waiting I observed that there were three items on a stand next to the exam table: a Tube of K-Y jelly; a rubber glove; and a beer. When the doctor finally came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?" At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. He flung the door open and yelled to his nurse....... Darn it ELAINE!!!!!!!!!!! I said a BUTT LIGHT"

One afternoon, a man with his wife, went to his doctor and told him that he hasn't been feeling well lately. The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor said, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." The wife concerned by the quantity of medicine, asked " Doc, exactly what is his problem?" The doctor on the way out whispered, "He's not drinking enough water."

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to wash his hands and feet. "Nurse...",he mumbles from behind the
mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies: "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet." He struggles again and asks the
nurse again: "Are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, takes a close look and says there's nothing wrong with them....." Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies: "That was very nice what you just did......but please........ for the last time...... Are-my-test-results-back?"

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa: "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm  caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and most of us have -- or will -- eat it. Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old Jewish man in the front row raised his hand and offered, "Vedding cake?"

NEW DRUGS FOR MEN
With Viagra being such a great medical success for increasing men's
sexual prowess, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented
towards improving the performance of men in today's society.
Here are a few of the new ones:
DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips
caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost,
compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely
to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men
administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle.
Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge
to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for
only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for
a period longer than your favorite store's return limit.
NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently
undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.
NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want
to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.
FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases
back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.
FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with
O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.
PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the
test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other
people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into
"special prosecutors."
LIAGRA - This d! rug causes men to be less than truthful when being
asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury
and Presidential Strength versions.