A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, because I still have mine"

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently Kathleen did as she was asked. Her mother Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year-old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, 
"He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack his ass again."

A three year old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mama," he asked, "Are these my brains?" Mama answered, "Not yet".

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked
"If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" 
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "Yes she did".
"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with Harry, one of her students
The teacher asked, Harry, what is your problem? Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the second grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade!" Ms Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.
The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, " I think Harry can go to the third-grade."
Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.
Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Harry, after a moment "Legs"
Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" Harry, "Pockets"
Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms Brooks: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains a thin whitish liquid? Harry: "Coconut"
Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out and soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge. Harry: "Bubblegum"
Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Harry: "Shake hands"
Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay? Harry: Yep.
Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. Who am I? Harry: "Tent"
Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. Who am I? The principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
Harry: "Wedding Ring"
Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well. I drip. When you blow me, you feel  good. Who am I? Harry: "Nose"
Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. Who am I?
Harry: Arrow
Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement? Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sign of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself".

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened
Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it
to President Clinton.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.
President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:
Dear GOD,
Thank you very much for sending the money but, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those jerks deducted $95.00..