DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish..............................................................................................49
Adventurous...........................................................Slept with everyone
Athletic......................................................................................No tits
Average looking............................................................................Ugly
Beautiful.......................................................................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile.......................................................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure.........................................................On medication
Feminist..........................................................................................Fat
Free spirit...................................................................................Junkie
Friendship first....................................................................Former slut
Fun........................................................................................Annoying
New-Age................................................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned...........................................................................No BJs
Open-minded........................................................................Desperate
Outgoing...........................................................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................................................................Sloppy drunk
Professional..................................................................................Bitch
Voluptuous.............................................................................Very Fat
Large frame..........................................................................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate........................................................................Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

  1. Yes = No
  2. No = Yes
  3. Maybe = No
  4. We need = I want..
  5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
  6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
  7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
  8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
  9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:


  1. I am hungry = I am hungry
  2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
  3. I am tired = I am tired
  4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
  5. I love you = Let's have sex now
  6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
  7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
  8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
  9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you