I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said Implants?" She hit me.
I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
I don't approve of political jokes.
I've seen too many of them get elected.
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true
friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear
loose-fitting clothing ; If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing,
I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping,"
now I just "chunky dunk."
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not
be able to tell the difference.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school,
but they can in prison?; (good point)
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would
have started with something called LABOR!; (true!)
Wouldn't you know it..Brain cells come and brain cells go,
but FAT cells live forever.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten
Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?
Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a
teacher....and since it's in English, thank a soldier."; (amen!)