Philosophy : 
  
 1.     I'm nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm perfect. 
 2.     If I save time, when do I get it back? 
 3.     Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. 
 4.     War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's Left. 
 5.     Best way to prevent a hangover is to stay drunk. 
 6.     A bus station is where a bus stops. 
        A train station is where train stops. 
        On my desk, I have a work station...  What more can I say. 
 7.     If it's true that we are here to help others, then,
        what exactly are the others here for? 
 8.     The Best of Proverbs: 
        Should women have children after 35? 
        No, 35 children are enough 
 9.     Living on Earth may be expensive... 
        but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun. 
10.     Your future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep! 
11.     ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY! So what? Who's in a hurry? 
12.     Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop 
13.     A good discussion is like a miniskirt; Short enough to 
        attract interest and long enough to cover the subject
        
Words to the Wise

 1.  I started out with nothing...I still have most  of it.
 2.  When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All  Bran?
 3.  I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
 4.  Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
 5.  All reports are in. Life is now officially  unfair.
 6.  If all is not lost, where is it?
 7.  It is easier to get older than it is to get  wiser.
 8.  If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.
 9.  The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
10.  I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock.
11.  I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through..
12.  It was all so different before everything changed.
13.  Some days you're the dog, some days you're the fire hydrant.
14.  Old programmers never die.  They just terminate and stay resident.
15.  A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
16.  I wish the buck stopped here.  I could use a few...
17.  Run to the round house, they can't corner you there.
18.  It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it is the sudden stop at the end.
19.  It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
20.  The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
21.  If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
22.  When you're finally holding all the cards, why does every else want to play chess?
23.  If you're living on the edge, make sure you're you wearing your seat belt
24.  A closed mouth gathers no feet.
25.  Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
26.  It's not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.